The Prince
by EmberJewel
Summary: The true tale of Rapunzel told from the prince's point of review.


In the following stories, famous fairy tales will be changed and mutated to fit a different image that will bring laughter and confusion to all readers. Hearing the same ordinary version of fairy tales can be boring so I feel that the tales should be changed and I will do so in a small, yet noticeable manner… well maybe a little more noticeable than I say…

Rapunzel

I am The Prince. You have probably heard of me. I rescue maidens that cry for help. Some are well known for their beauty, but all I have turned down because to tell you the truth they aren't as pretty as people portray them to be. I know this may seem confusing, but the people who tell the stories seem to think that because of all of the horrible tragedies that these young girls go through that they should be beautiful, you know that whole inside crap. I mean get with the picture, even today in a world of industry the society bases beauty from outside image… and things weren't any different back in the day! One of these mistaken, down right ugly, ladies is Rapunzel. She is the most ugly, squashed face, hairy… I'm getting ahead of myself, let me tell you the story of how I rescued and avoided a marriage with this monster!

I was riding my brown stead; my white stead was still tired from that long ride to retrieve Snow White from the forest of Far, Far Away, when I came upon a sad woman. She was a peasant, only worthy of bowing, dressed in horrible rags. These rags looked like they should have disintegrated years ago. The mud was slowly trailing off of her face with the salty tears, probably the closed thing to a bath she has ever had. I, like a good knight, didn't run from her hideousness, but stopped to see if I could help the woman. She looked up at me and I did everything I could not to be blinded by her bright yellow teeth. She spoke in a voice that made her sound 30, 100 years younger than her looks.

"Yes, you can help! When I was a beautiful young girl," She began the story like any other fairy tale, completely, impossibly untrue! "I married into a poor man's family and bore a child. She has been taken from me by an evil witch because we were unable to pay the electric bill, and we had no electricity!" La-de-daaa, again and again the same story, but I knew I had to rescue the maiden if I ever hoped of becoming like my hero, Leonardo from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, so I set out on my quest.

I set off on my "Brown" stead, just wanted to get that right, to a far, far away castle the girl was trapped in. When I got there I was stunned! The beauty was so great! Each stone was cut perfectly and lines with shinning green moss, to resemble one of those fairy tale scenes. The maiden I couldn't see and wouldn't for a while considering the castle was only one tower, and the only entrance was a window on the highest floor. This sounds unlikely really. How can people build such a thing and be able to live in it? This must be one giant birdhouse!

Suddenly from the window came a voice like an angel, well an ex-angel that now smokes and is suffering from a terrible cough. "Prince, You-who! Can you rescue me?" I stood at the bottom of the tower, well actually after the first word was uttered I tried to gallop away as fast as I could, but too late she had spotted me. "I wish I could, but how am I to get to you?" I didn't want to sound rude by stating the truth that I didn't want to have anything to do with the Beast I was looking for the Beauty! She leaned over the windowsill giving me a startling view that could kill and said, "My hair is long enough, you could climb up to me!"

At that moment a greasy rope of hay, greenish hay, the cause of color made me skirmish just to think about. I answer back politely, like Leonardo, "Umm, I don't know what good that would do, I would be in the tower with you. Why don't you use your own hair to climb down and I'll take you back home?"

The next thing that happened was just plain dumb, like the new Jackass movie! She started to climb down her hair, yes that sounds smart, but she forgot to cut it off first, and tie it to a bedpost or something. But-thankfully she landed on her hair like one big used tissue.

I stood their praying she would have broken a neck so I wouldn't have to deal with her. Just then the witch flew into view. That was breath taking. Being a witch, she was, of course, stunning. The angel of death landed next to me and looked from me to the Beast, who was trying to climb out of her own hair. "Where you trying to rescue her?" The angel asked me. I hung on her lips, "No, never!"

Like all men, around a woman like this you wanted to be single. She smiled at me and replied, "I wouldn't blame you, and of course now that she is released from the tower you two will be wed." I took a few steps back and tripped over a rock. My eyes widened at the ghastly girl coming our way, trying to lift her tons of hair, and straighten her crumpled skirt. "I would do anything to have a knife to cut myself right about now, " I whispered this under my breath. The sexy vixen heard me and made a point to offer me something more appetizing than a release of deoxygenated blood from my arteries.

"If you really didn't want to marry her I could pose as the maiden and have her take my place in my upcoming witch trial?" I jumped at the point and help the girl dress the beast in black rags, make-up wasn't needed, anyone would agree on sight that she had to be a witch. Then my vixen said a few words before her outfit glistened then converted to a blood red dress to die for.

That weekend I was married to "Rapunzel," my beautiful maiden, and a man in green tights executed the witch on spot, he had thought she was his horrid maiden Mary come back from the grave. Now that everyone lives happily ever after. Robin was given the joy of ridding his life of his own beast a second time, Rapunzel was put out of her misery, the witch was given a thrown, and I a wife and the satisfaction of knowing that I saved some poor man, me, from being wed to a monster! So They all lived happily ever after, but if word gets out that the real Rapunzel is in a grave Snow whites forest would have to be cut down to made new books to replace all of the false ones.


End file.
